You know when you feel like that? Like the present is unpleasant, and the past is all you desire? Maybe you're not longing for the past.. but I sure am. I'm nostalgic.

You see, everyone who has ever been close to me, best friend wise.. they've all left. In their own ways. And.. I'm now stuck in a school where.. nothing feels..well, basically I don't feel like I fit in everywhere. Everyone's got their own tiny little niche groups.. and I'm just.. there. Alone.

Which brings me to Peyton Sawyer's beliefs in One Tree Hill. People always leave. And it's true. In the end, its only you. You're alone.

I wish that they'd come back. That things were the way they used to be. Where everything felt good, I felt confident, and there'd always be a shoulder to cry on. Now, it's like if I have a bad day, certain things will only add to the fuel of my loneliness.

And you know, I probably sound like the most emotional kid around. I guess we all have our days, right? Today, mine was (excuse the language) really shitty. And the people who could've helped me through that.. they're not there anymore.

Everything's lost.

I could sum up this post and say everythings going to be okay, but no ones telling me that. And I can't do it alone.

I don't even know if everything will be okay..

I'm lost..

And I just don't know what to do anymore..

I can only wish..

Tee x

And so I sit here, in my usual spot - the comfy couch - listening to You belong with me ... chatting on msn... and basically bludging my butt off. I don't really have anything to talk about, so this is more of a rambling..

Have any of you ever realised or felt you're all alone?! Because sometimes... when things are tough... even when theyre not, I feel completely alone. Like, you know you have friends and family and stuff. But... you really are alone. I can't explain the feeling. I just know I've been getting it a lot lately.

Maybe I just need faith? But I don't see the point in having any faith right now... I guess I'm going through a complicated stage -being a teenager... school - studying - exams :(... it's the confusing stage, right? Where you're not a kid, but you're not an adult either.

I don't know. Maybe it's just me. I have no idea... But lately it's also like... If I expect something good, it won't turn out like that no matter what. If I get too excited about something, something bad happens and I'm instantly down thinking 'What the hell just happened?'. Somtimes it's like nobody understands you. Like they don't care.

Life is a rollercoaster, I tell you right now. One minute everything seems perfect... as flawless as Edward Cullen's skin... everything is pure happiness. Like the sun. Like a beautiful, bright field filled with wildflowers and plain's of that long, dusted, yellow/green grass... where you feel free. Full of joy. Freedom. But it's like that feeling can't last long no matter what. Because the next minute you're in a cold, dark, unhappy place. Like a cold, wet chamber deep below ground level. There's no way of escaping. No one to come and rescue you. You're hopeless. There's no light. No point of reason.

So I guess life's as up as it is down. And that saying 'What goes up, must come down' is relevant to this right now.

I'm not entirely unhappy, so don't be worried or confused. I'm just having a little... time to express myself and incidents that affect the way I feel, I guess.

tianaaa. xx